Offer made to Zaka Khan

Now that the Sox have made an offer, let's see if we can guess what the details are. Given Epstein's distaste for any contract extending beyonds over three years, and given Lucchino's penchant for overruling Epstein, I am gambling on a four year deal worth about $44 million. I'll even throw in an option for a fifth year and plenty of performance-based incentives.

But that might be too disrespectful for a man with his accomplishments, and that is what will make this deal so interesting. Given his status in the Far East as well as the lucrative contracts already thrown around this offseason, don't put it past the Sox to shoot the moon on him, either. And by that, I mean somewhere in the four-year, $55-60 million range.

Either way, you can bet Boras has been whispering the words "Yankee killer" in Lucchino's ear. For now, we'll just have to wait to find out what "fair" and "comprehensive" means...

The end of Manny standing near cornfields is nigh

The Manny countdown, it seems, is on. If these rumors pan out, and Manny accepts a trade to somewhere like LA or San Fran by the weekend, there will be more than a few pangs of regret and disappointment here. I sure would have liked to see him clobber his 500th home run over the monster seats. Oh well, at least it looks like we will have....J.D.Drew.

Interloper to Globe: Jettison the Muckraking Bitch!

It is no secret that I don't like Dan Shaughnessy. The goofy looking Boston Globe columnist to the left, Dan's a schtick now, the kind of writer forever confined by his own pathetic act. Like a sad (and, apparently, angry) Michael Richards bound for eternity as Seinfeld's Kramer, Shaughnessy is forever locked in his role as Red Sox player hater. To this, I say give it up! Nobody cares about your boring, tired, sarcastic "insights" into Sox players as spoiled rotten idols who don't properly respect the game or its traditions. Your writings now all sound the same: find a fault in a player's character and exploit the shit out of it until you have proven your own moral authority. Certainly, we should demand personality from every multimillionaire ballplayer.

Well, all I can say is fuck off, Shaughnessy, you are over. Can't you start writing about film or theatre or something else where your high brow, echoing criticisms are more well received? Get over Pedro acting like a prima donna and not liking you. Get over Manny being an idiot (and also not liking you). Get over Epstein being younger and far more talented at his job than you (and also, not liking you)! Try writing about the game for once. And get over the lame, drawn out Yankees-Red Sox thread while you are at it. If you haven't noticed, there are other, more compelling stories out there in baseball land to follow...

Jacoby Ellsbury (OF, BOS)

"Of all of the prospects in this year's AFL (Arizona Fall League), Ellsbury may go down as the best if he continues to develop. Defensively he already gets a great jump on the ball, in part to make up for a subpar arm. Because he covers a lot of acreage, he'll be a huge help to pitchers, reducing a bunch of gap doubles. In this AFL season, Ellsbury focused on his bunting early on and better plate discipline later; these are two areas he needs to improve upon to make him a better hitter. He could be the Red Sox starting centerfielder by Opening Day 2008."
- From Rototimes.com

But what about next year????

DICE-K? JUST SAY NO!!!!!

"We need to come up with a nickname for this guy -- pronto -- because there's no way in hell my dad is ever going to correctly say "Daisuke," or "Matsuzaka," much less "Daisuke Matsuzaka." And I refuse to call him D-Mat. Right now, I'm leaning toward just calling him "Sookie." Although my dad might be onto something by calling him, "The Japanese Guy." Any nickname suggestions are more than welcome."
- Bill "Sports Guy" Simmons in his latest mailbag on ESPN

Man, I am beginning to hate the Boston Globe. What a bunch of dumb asses. Are monkeys running the show over there? In case you missed it, the Globe has begun calling Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka "Dice-K." My initial thought: Who the hell thinks Dice-K is a clever nickname??? Isn't that how you pronounce his real name? Call him anything else. Argh, I don't even know where to begin on this one...

OK, if we must give him a nickname at all, why not go with something funny or original. And Dice-K is neither funny nor original. Reading the Globe's oh so brilliant survey, I found several I would pick over Dice-K (and was happy that at least 13.7 per cent preferred none of the above). Here are my favorites.

1. Kaibutsu. Matsuzaka's nickname in Japan just also happens to be somewhat pertinent in Boston. Kaibutsu means "The Monster" in Japanese. Fitting, but still a little hard to pronounce. I give it a triple into the triangle for that one.
2. Haz Mat. Again, clever and humorous. Think of all the costumes Sox fans would show up in on game days. Fenway would look like that scene from E.T. when the Feds discover the little alien and take over Elliot's home. That scores a solid double off The Wall.
3. The Yen Master. Simple, but effective. Might work better if he has a stoic demeanor and if he translates into lots of merchandising green the Sox brass hope he will. I give this a bunt single down the third base line.
4. Mat-zilla or The Gun from the Rising Sun. The former conjures up images of Daisuke becoming Hideki "Godzilla" Matsui's ultimate nemesis (which would be ah-so nice) and the latter just makes me laugh. I give both sharp singles into the outfield.

But my personal favorite is none of the above, but the ever-so-witty and amusing Zaka Khan. Come on, it's brilliant! Think, every time he comes out of the bullpen after his warm-up pitches, you hear that beat, the bass line, and then, Melle-Mel's unmistakable voice:

Zaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Zaka Khan
Let me rock you, that's all i wanna do
Zaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Zaka Khan
Let me rock you, let me feel for you

And then the chorus:

I feel for you
I think i love you
I feel for you
I think i love you...

Ah, good times and hugs all around. A sure over-the-Monster home run if I ever heard one. Maybe we could finally banish "Tessie" or that "Dirty Water" song for good.

Of course, only 3.0 per cent of Globe readers agree with me. What is wrong with you people????

UPDATE: Zaka Khan nearly injured in freak lap dance incident!

What kind of security they got at the Staples Center? Boras (pictured next to Zaka), are you trying to get your star pitcher hurt???

Cubs are Sori: let the games begin

The first big free agent signing of the off-season (unless you consider the Cubs resigning Aramis Ramirez a bigger deal) landed on the sports pages yesterday, and that means more are likely to start dropping. Where will Carlos Lee land? ESPN is hinting at Baltimore, but all Lee has to do is look at Miguel Tejada and Sammy Sosa to know that sluggers are not what that team needs. A stable full of Kris Bensons ain't gonna help much either.

As for the Sox, the lingering rumors of Manny going to Texas peak my interest only if that means we may have Mark Texiera or Michael Young in our lineup. If I were Epstein, I would offer Manny to Tom Hicks for Young, former Sox set-up guy Ron Mahay and Akinori Otsuka. This would address several key concerns for the Sox.

1) Shortstop. With Alex Gonzalez fleeing the Fens for the, um, promising Reds, the Sox were left with a gaping hole at short. Surely the two-year deal for Alex Cora was not meant to fill that hole. Young brings an All-Star bat to the middle of the infield, and could pepper the Monster with a Boggs-like regularity. Here is a guy who has four straight 200 hit seasons, which would be otherworldly if not for some dude named Ichiro. Young could fit nicely in front of Papi, who would move into the clean-up slot once and for all.

2) Middle Relief. The Sox bullpen, once the pride of Beantown, was abysmal last year. Thanks to consistently terrible performances from the Rudy Seanezes of the world, the Sox had a hard time holding a lead or preserving a tie in the late innings. And I hate to say it, but Craig Hansen and Manny Delcarmen are not the answer. Bringing in Mahay would not only improve the bullpen tenfold, it would give them one of the best lefty set-up men in the business. And you know the Sox need a good lefty in their division.

3) Closer. Jonathan Papelbon is going to be a starter, and that makes me drool. But I am going to miss him coming out of the pen and the almost euphoric feeling that it induced. Pap was crazy dominant, and had he not gotten injured, he would have challenged Verlander for rookie of the year and, I believe, Santana for some of those Cy Young votes. Come on, he was THAT good.

Now Otsuka is no Papelbon, but he did save 32 games with a very respectable 2.11 ERA last season, and I think that deserves note. Trading for him and then giving him an inflated two to three-year deal would be worth it, too: it would give the Sox time to groom Hansen (if, indeed, he is right for that role) AND provide a Japanese comrade in the clubhouse for Daisuke Matzusaka. We could become the Mariners of the East!

So, there you have it, Theo. Mr. Hicks, you can have Manny and all his Silver Slugger Awards if you give us Young, Mahay and Otsuka. I think that is fair for every one.

Hell, we'll even throw in Alex Cora, too.

Big 10 Smackdown today: RIP Bo

"“I don'’t care who it is - there's no rivalry that compares with this. This is the greatest college football rivalry there is."
- Former Michigan coach Bo Schembechler in an interview just four days before he collapsed and died of heart failure.

I don't get into the craziness of college football, but I will be watching today's game between Michigan and Ohio State for several reasons. And I will be rooting for Michigan for several reasons.

1) I love the underdog. Even though the Wolverines are not much of an underdog, it is always good to see the top dog tumbled. Sorry coach Tressel.
2) Tom Brady (pictured above). He won the Super Bowl for me (3 times!), so the least I can do is cheer on his alma mater.
3) Bo Schembechler. When I was a kid, his name was uttered with supreme reverence. I will never forget hearing Keith Jackson's booming voice saying his name. It was one of the comforts of weekend football. A win would do his memory some justice.
4) Helmets. Blue with sexy yellow stripes or plain silver? Easy one: Go Wolverines!

Do or Dai Time

Now that we have had time to digest Boston's $51.1 million gamble, word comes out of Naples this morning that the team with the winning bid for the rights to negotiate with the other Japanese import expected to make an impact in the major leagues next year, Akinori Iwamura, a third baseman with a lot of pop, is no other than... the Tampa Bay Devil Rays!

What the hell????

Now that is a shocker. I guess the perennial cellar dwellers have finally woken up to the freakshow that is the AL East and decided to join in on the spending bonanza. Hmmm, I wonder how much they coughed up for those coveted negotiating rights. $51.1 million? Come now, this is Tampa Bay. How about half that? Maybe $10 million? Ok, I'll cut to the chase: just two days after the Red Sox embarrassed themselves with one of the most extravagant, excessive, outrageous (any other adjectives I am missing here?) wastes of money ever, Tampa Bay outbid everyone with a whopping $4.5 million offer, or roughly the salary of Sox reserve outfielder Eric Hinske.

Wow. I guess Tampa doesn't properly respect the Asian community, or the tradition of Japanese baseball. You think you are really going to give yourself a name in the Pacific rim with that paltry amount?

That gets me thinking. You think Fidel Castro is kicking himself reading this news? I mean, what would a combined $55 million for two players do for Cuba right about now? Surely, he could let some of his best players go to America in exchangge for some serious green to spend on improving his beloved country. Or a hell of a lot of cigars. Or maybe the problem is on our side. Trade embargos or some shit like that. Oh well, just a thought.

But I digress. Looking at it statistically, I guess we can only assume that Iwamura is only 1/10 the player Daisuke is. But seriously folks, we may have the makings of another dimension to the already HOT rivalry that is Boston-Tampa Bay. First we had the infamous Gerald Williams-Pedro Martinez tete-a-tete in August of 2000 (was it really six years ago???) and culminated this spring with the Julian Tavarez-Joey Gathright punch/bitch slap brouhaha. Can we look forward to a Daisuke-Akinori samurai smackdown? As always, stay tuned...(OK, Durkee, what have you to say now?)

The Unemployed Life

The latest footage of my days driving around B'klyn? Maybe, OR a stangely riveting video from a band who released an effing good album in March that I am just now discovering (so tragically out of touch)...

It reminds me that the end of the year is around the corner and we should all be girding ourselves for the endless list of lists of the best records of the year. I don't know if I will have one or not (a list, that is), but Band of Horses would be in there somewhere. Any band whose lead singer sounds alternately like Brian Wilson/Ozzie Osbourne/Jackson Brown/James Mercer has to be on there. Who would be on your list?

The Bay Area: Hemorrhaging Pro Sports

First the A's announced their plans to relocate to Fremont (see below) and now this. What the hell is going on in Northern Cali? Have all sports fans moved to the suburbs? How can the two biggest cities in the area lose it's two teams? Maybe it is just me, but no more games in windy Candlestick seems like blasphemy. Where have you gone, Joe Montana?

Report: A's have new home

According to reports today, the A's are moving. That means see ya Oak-town and hello Fremont. No word yet if the team will adopt the Hell's Angels as its official mascot...

Music That Matters: KEXP in NYC '06

So this is not the cult worship of KEXP, but after five years on the other end of the radio waves, I gotta say that finally getting to see how it all goes down inside the hallowed studios of the much beloved Seattle radio station has given me renewed faith in people and yes, an even greater appreciation of this indie airwaves fav. John Richards, Cheryl Waters, Kevin Cole and the up-all-day, up-all-night crew of volunteer staffers (who, by the way, pay their own way to get to NYC and stay here) put on another fantastic show: Hot Chip, The Shins, The Archie Bronson Outfit, Fields, Low Frequency in Stereo and more than a dozen other great acts from all around the world stopped by KEXP's makeshift headquarters inside the intimate Gigantic Studio in Tribeca for live, in-studio performances.

The four bands I caught were: Fields, Low Frequency in Stereo, The Shackeltons and the bearded trio, the Archie Bronson Outfit (pictured right, and from whom I snookered a free import CD of their new Domino release "Derdang Derdang"). As expected, the bands did not disappoint. On Thursday afternoon, the Fields released their blissed-out drones on a mesmerized crowd, only to followed up (and maybe outdone?) by Norway's latest "It" bandLow Frequency in Stereo. Having amassed a mountain of hype, LFS lived up to the bill; the small group of us writhed in the cramped room while John, Cheryl and Kevin almost suffered whiplash jamming out in the studio.

On Friday morning, I rolled up to the studio just before 10 to catch the Shackeltons, (at left, in a terrible photograph, but what's a brother to do? The lighting sucked!) a Chambersberg, PA band that caught John R.'s attention after they sent him a couple of songs in the mail. He began playing them, championing them, and, as it turns out, booking them for a live in-studio during CMJ and adding them to the station's showcase Friday night. And to this point, they appear to deserve the attention. Tight tunes with some jangly guitars and interesting vocals bellowed from the lead singer.

What you don't see in the picture is the lead singer, an excessively chatty dude named Mark that had some serious man-love for John R. (even sang a song to him, gazing, as Cheryl noticed, "longingly into his eyes") but whose antics onstage, or, in this case, in the studio, were the real story. Was it autism? Tourette's? Maybe a combo of both? In any case, he sings his songs in a spastic convulsion that is part flailing and part cabaret act. His little trick of covering his eyes with one hand while cooing into the mic made me think of a more confused Mick Jagger with less confidence.

However, as good as the bands were, simply hanging out and chatting with the djs that I have listened to now for more than five years and feel like I know so well was the best part of the shows. All three djs I met -– John (pictured above), Cheryl and Kevin - were personable, interesting and completely unpretentious. It seems funny that we can put people who simply speak to us through (in my case) a computer on such a high pedestal. But it was a relief to talk to Kevin about his massive record and CD collection, which takes up three huge rooms in his basement (he said he has upwards of 30,000 cds. Fuck, I thought I had a big collection...) or Cheryl about how she approaches interviews.

It is funny, too, to see them pay so much attention and respect to the bands themselves. They are, after all, bigger music fans than any of us. Cheryl was jumping out of seat for the Archie Bronson Outfit, which she fawned over (And they were great. As spastic as the lead singer of the Shackeltons was, I thought the drummer for the Archie Bronson Outfit was going to put his right foot through the floor. He had to duct tape his headphones to his head, and had a strange resemblancece to Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica). There are some great shots at the KEXP site here.

And all of it was free! Four bands, great conversations about music with people who know what they are talking about and watching the best radio station on the planet operate had to be the best deal of CMJ.

Musings of the Morning

* Somewhere, XTC frontman Andy Partridge is chuckling while others are crying.
* E-music: We are better than iTunes! Oh, sorry, no we're not! (Not that I am a disgruntled e-music subscriber or anything...)
* You gotta give it up for Kool Herc and the flying bongo brothers, or whatever they are called...

OK, more later, when I return from my date with John Richards, Cheryl Waters, Kevin Cole and the rest of the KEXP crew in Tribeca. Up this morning, The Shackletons at 10. Maybe I'll be able to stick around for Archie Bronson, too. Regardless, I'll write about today and yesterday's in-studios (with pictures!) later today. Happy CMJing...